Online Marriage Counseling
Online Counseling Therapy for Couples
People find it so much more convenient to talk to a therapist online via Skype. This Online Marriage Counseling Service is offered world-wide.
Online Marriage Counseling Sessions via Skype with Mindfulness Therapist and Author Dr. Peter Strong
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“A relationship depends on good communication and this depends on openness of both mind and heart to receive and to respond intelligently and compassionately. Mindfulness is the Art of developing a greater sensitivity and awareness through cultivating openness of mind and friendliness of heart.” – The Path of Mindfulness Meditation, by Peter Strong
For a marriage or significant personal relationship to work, both parties must be willing and able to cultivate a level of communication that is highly receptive and responsive to the needs of the other person, and this communication must flow in both directions. Any blockage in this flow leads to misunderstanding and conflict. Love and intimacy is our goal, but it is our stubborn patterns of habitual reactivity – taking offense and giving offense; becoming the emotional hostage to the controlling behaviors of our partner; taking on the role of emotional victim. The purpose of this online marriage counseling service is to help each person in the relationship break free from the habitual reactivity that sustains conflict and undermines the marriage.
Learning How to Communicate Better
Real communication is highly dynamic and constantly changing and adjusting to changing needs. In the ideal relationship each person is sensitive to the other, not only listening to the words spoken but also sensing the body language being expressed, sensing the meaning communicated through voice tone, facial expression and posture. It is, therefore, no surprise that in order to be able to receive all this verbal and non-verbal information and in order to be able to respond in a sensitive manner, there must be an extraordinary degree of openness of both mind and heart. A closed mind can receive nothing and cannot respond appropriately to the needs of a given situation.
Therefore, we must understand the processes that lead to the closing of the mind, and the processes that lead to the opening of the mind and heart, and we must understand both processes in-depth if we are to develop and maintain good communication in our marriage or relationship.
The biggest problem that leads to the breakdown of a marriage or other significant relationship is when we become dominated by patterns of Habitual Emotional Reactivity. A reactive mind is a closed mind, unable to respond creatively and intelligently to the needs of the present moment. Compassion and sensitivity are absent, or greatly diminished, and we become little more than a machine, mechanically reacting to the other person.
We become locked into cycles of habitual reactivity. He says this, she feels that; she does this, he feels that. We become victims of this habitual emotional reactivity and compelled to react with frustration and disappointment, becoming easily upset and often reacting with anger as we feel misunderstood or unloved. Our inner reactive Self engages with the reactive Self of the other person in a repeating cycle of hurt and suffering. This process creates a wedge between us and drives us apart. When our relationship is dominated by reactivity then what we experience is loneliness and emptiness and great sadness.
So, in any relationship there are four entities engaging each other: The True Self of each person, which is not conditioned and not limited by habitual reactivity, tries to interact through the medium of openness, awareness and friendliness to the True Self of the other person. However, this is complicated by the relationship between the two Reactive Selves, based on conflict and duality. Not surprisingly, relationships can become quite messy!
When you were in love that is when the True Selves were communicating freely. But over time we lose that connection and bad habits become dominant; the Reactive Selves hold power, love is abandoned and the fighting takes over. The Reactive Self becomes hard and unyielding, aggressive and also very fearful. People can spend their whole marriage lost in this blind conflict between the Reactive Selves.
During Online Marriage Counseling, which I now offer online through Skype, I teach couples how to let go of the Reactive Self and re-connect with the True Self, which is the source of unconditional love, patience and intelligence. This True Self is within us all the time – it just gets lost and covered over by the layers of reactive habits. During Online Mindfulness Therapy, we gradually lift off these hard layers that have imprisoned the True Self and we discover the joy of how to communicate again. We re-discover the passion and simple bliss of the love that we once shared. Now we have the tools to handle conflict and emotional pain; guilt and hurt; anger and remorse; in a completely different way – based on mindfulness and innate love.
How does Online Relationship Counseling Work?
Each person plays their part in the reactive cycles that create marital conflict and each person has to change their patterns habitual reactivity. Through experience, I find that couples therapy works best when I work with each person individually, teaching each person how to heal the hurt, where inner pain exists, and stop those destructive patterns of aggression and anger from getting out of control. It is by developing a better relationship with our inner emotions that we can learn how to develop a successful relationship with our partner.
The focus is on stopping the underlying habitual reactions that create the victim-abuser cycle and the anger-conflict patterns that lead to endless arguing and conflict. It takes commitment and hard work on both sides – but change is possible. We know that at some level; it’s just that we can’t seem to break free of these habitual patterns of reactivity.
Because we are focusing on the underlying process, rather than just talking about who did what to whom, people can begin to change in a remarkably short time – often within 4-6 Skype online Marriage Counseling sessions.
One client noticed dramatic changes in the way she and her husband communicated after only a couple of sessions. There was a dramatic shift in how she related to her emotions and she started to gain a sense of ownership of her emotions and choice in how she responded to her husband. This not only helped her feel more in control, but it also indirectly changed how her husband treated her. In her own words,
“Also, I wanted to let you know that I was talking to my husband last night. I wasn’t sure if the mindfulness deserved all the credit, or if I had just encountered a stretch of easy times. My husband seemed to be treating me differently as far as not yelling and screaming at me all the time, etc. and I didn’t know if the change was my perception of him (due to the mindfulness) or just that he was acting differently. He said that it was easier for him to be more relaxed around me because I wasn’t behaving in a terrified way around him all the time. So, I guess it really is the mindfulness working and it’s interesting that my healing has spread to him changing too. Yay!”
The secret to a successful relationship is learning how to break free from those habitual patterns of emotional reactivity, and this is where mindfulness therapy really excels.
Resolving Conflict and Improving Happiness in Your Personal Relationships
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Personal relationships are hard and challenging for almost everyone. Seeking help through Online Couples Counseling is a very sensible and positive choice. We are not taught at school how to work with the many emotions that emerge during our close personal relationships. We need to learn how to process our emotions effectively and this is precisely what we focus on during online Skype Therapy sessions.
Online Couples Counseling is a very convenient choice for many people these days and particularly for people living abroad or in rural areas. Now, with Skype, you can have a face-to-face session with a therapist that is just as good or better than in-person. Most people find the online option much more friendly and less embarrassing than talking to a therapist in-person, and the more comfortable you are, the better the outcome.
You Must Heal the Underlying Unresolved Emotions
We all struggle with the frustrations and conflicts that seem to emerge from nowhere and it is important to understand that conflict is a natural and unavoidable part of any relationship. It comes with being a human being.
It is also vital to understand that the anger or hurt you feel is NOT because of what he or she said or did. The emotional reaction arises from within you and has just been patiently waiting until the right conditions arise externally to trigger it.
These core emotions are your property, the responsibility of each person in the relationship or family. You must take charge of bringing about their healing, or resolution as we say in Mindfulness Therapy.
This is the key, and this is why I work with each of you alone. This is rather different from the usual approach to marriage counseling where both of you are in the same room together with the marriage counselor. I take this approach because each of you need to change your internal emotional reactions by yourself. No amount of talking about the reasons why you are upset or why he gets angry is likely to change the underlying reactive process. Only YOU can do that, because it is your emotions. He, or she, simply provides the triggers that activate your emotions.
It is possible to change your emotional reactions through the application of the principles and practical methods of Mindfulness Therapy, which I teach online via Skype. This form of counseling is often called Skype Therapy, and it is becoming increasingly popular. Most people actually prefer this approach to traditional “talk therapy” in the office, because it is less formal and much more comfortable for you. Online Therapy via Skype is also very much more convenient for most clients.
Beneath Outer Conflict there is Always a Hurt Inner Child
A personal relationship is not just a relationship between two people, but a complex relationship between the emotional parts of our history and childhood that remain unresolved. Arguments are so often an unconscious re-enactment of the pain experienced as a child resulting from a bad relationship with a parent.
Emotional abuse leaves scars that become trigger points for future emotional conflict, and we seem to attract partners who push our buttons. This is the way that personal relationships work. You cannot avoid unresolved core emotions, and you can be sure that they will become reactivated in a personal relationship.
This is just how it is. The question is, what do you do with these unresolved emotions? Most people try to avoid them or suppress them by seeking some form of distraction. That is our conditioning – to escape our pain. However, the truth is that you cannot escape unresolved emotions – it is their “job” to keep re-emerging until you take the initiative to look at them and help them heal, which is the focus of Mindfulness Therapy.
All unresolved emotions, the compulsive energy that keeps us suffering from anger, anxiety, fear and low self-esteem, requires conscious awareness – mindfulness – in order to heal. In fact, before you can form a meaningful relationship with your partner, you have to form a conscious and caring relationship with your own pain and unresolved emotions. If you don’t, these emotions will always get in the way and sabotage the relationship. If you do learn how to work with these same emotions with mindfulness, they will heal and will actually make your relationship feel more intimate and alive.
How Do We Heal Unresolved Emotions?
Of course, the objective is to develop the level of communication between you and your partner so that you can come to a well thought out resolution. That is usually very straight forward. But, remember that if you are suffering inside, that emotional energy will prevent you from acting skillfully and it will probably sabotage your efforts to resolve your differences externally.
During Mindfulness-based Online Therapy for Couples, I work with each person individually to help each person resolve these core emotions so that you don’t become a victim of your habitual patterns of reacting. When you find that you don’t have to become angry or upset, then you can begin the interpersonal communication that leads to successful outcomes.
How do We Begin Online Couples Counseling?
If you would like to try this approach, simply email me and tell me about the problem you are struggling with. Ask any questions you may have about Online Counseling, and schedule a Skype Session today.
Peter Strong, PhD is a Professional Psychotherapist, Online Therapist, Spiritual Teacher and Author, based in Boulder, Colorado. Peter developed a system of psychotherapy called Mindfulness Therapy for healing the root cause of Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Depression, Traumatic Stress and Emotional Suffering.
Get Help from a Professional Online Therapist via Skype for Effective Online Couples Counseling and Relationship Therapy