Anger Management Online via Skype
Online Mindfulness Therapy for Managing Anxiety
Anger is a form of habitual emotional reactivity that can cause tremendous suffering. Mindfulness Therapy, now available Online via Skype, teaches you how to break free from the destructive patterns of the ‘Anger Habit.’
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Mindfulness-based Anger Management Online
Welcome! My name is Peter Strong and I am a professional psychotherapist, teacher and coach. I offer Online Therapy via Skype, and my specialty is Mindfulness Therapy, which is a very effective and powerful technique for working with difficult emotions, including anxiety, depression, stress, trauma, addictions and anger.
I offer Online Anger Management through Skype. During these Skype sessions I will teach you how to work with the compulsive parts of your anger, the reactive thinking that tends to cause you to react and become angry in those difficult situations.
There are many approaches to working with anger. On of the most important starting points is learning to recognize the Anger Habit; actually recognizing those thoughts and impulses to react as soon as they arise. The faster you see them the more chance you have to stop them catching alight and causing a forest fire. So, that is one very important part of the online anger management sessions that I offer.
The second part of the mindfulness teaching and mindfulness philosophy in general is to really begin to understand that you are the author of your anger. Your anger is not dependent on external circumstances. Our habit is to say, “I am angry because…he did this, she did that, or this happened or that happened.” And, we try to justify our anger, and that is very dangerous. Why? Because, that makes us completely dependent on external conditions, which we have little control over, so that makes us a prisoner of the anger habit. So, part of the mindfulness training is learning to break out of the Anger Habit and recognizing that you are the author of your anger. There is no law that says you have to be angry because he did this, she did that or this happened or that happened.
The third part of successful anger management is to recognize that the anger itself is just a symptom, just the smoke. Beneath the anger you will find Core Emotions. These usually revolve around some quality of fear, vulnerability, a sense of helplessness, a sense of need. So, we have to find that vulnerability, that inner core emotion, what ever it might be, because that is what is what is fueling the outer anger reactions. And the theory is is as you heal the core emotion you take that fuel away from the anger reactions and then the anger begins to diminish and fall away and become redundant. So, that is extremely important for the complete and successful management of anger.
If you are interested in anger management online with me, please visit my website, CounselingTherapyOnline.com, the link is below, and send me an email and we can schedule a session of online anger management therapy. Thank you!
You can’t control anger by fighting it!
Most of us grow up with the message, “Get a hold of yourself and control your anger!” or just “Control your emotions!.”
The problem with this approach, based on ego-based will-power, is that you are trying to control the problem of reactive thinking with another form of reactive thinking. Directing anger and aggression toward your impulses to become angry is actually not an effective strategy. You may achieve some short-term control, but you leave the roots of that anger unchanged, and you can be sure that it will return.
Successful anger management is not about self-control, but rather it is about freeing your mind from those habitual patterns of reactivity that produce and feed the emotion of anger, so that you do not feel compelled to react with anger whenever provoked.
Anger, like all emotional reactivity depends on unawareness, on not seeing the emerging impulse followed by blind identification with the emotion as it takes form. One of the most important first steps that you can take to free yourself from the habit of anger is to train yourself to recognize anger impulses the moment they arise and then focus your awareness on the impulse, but without further reacting or thinking. During mindfulness training, we develop the art and science of how to be absolutely present with the emerging emotion as it emerges. If you get lost in thinking about the anger, then you are no longer present, no longer aware of the impulse. This fundamental loss of connection with the impulse is what feeds the emotion; but stay connected, focused on the emotion without the distraction of thinking and you have created a space in which there is freedom from the compulsion to react and become angry.
This is what we mean by “staying in the present” – it means staying present and conscious of whatever arises; in this case the impulse to become angry. When you stay present and mindful it is like putting a car into neutral. You can rev the engine as much as you like, but the car can’t go anywhere if the engine is in neutral. Mindfulness puts thought reactions and emotional sections and even behavioral actions in neutral; then you have freedom to act in more skillful ways that do not create suffering and further chaos.
So, don’t fight anger with anger, but simply awaken to the anger with mindfulness and let it pass through like a storm cloud passes through the sky.
Of course, you also need to look at the underlying core emotions that may be feeding the anger, and indeed this is the other way we use mindfulness for anger management.
How to Control Anger
Anger is like an addictive habit. At some level we actually get a buzz from the biochemical and physiological changes that occur when the Anger Response is activated. Norepinephrin is released into the blood stream, which prepares the body for a fight, increasing muscle tension and blood flow to the muscles and face.This sense of arousal can be quite addictive and one reason why we seem to become trapped in repeating cycles of conflict and arguments.
The first way of dealing with anger is to see that it is an addiction and that we need to take responsibility for our addiction. Realizing that we have a problem and not pretending that we don’t is essential.
Stop blaming external conditions and causes
The next step in gaining some control over our anger is to stop blaming external causes. So long as we continue to be identified with, “I am angry because…this happened, he did that, she said this…” we will never be able to change our anger. It is an important breakthrough for many people when they understand that the external conditions are not the real cause of their anger. The real cause is within and is due to the level of blind identification with our inner belief that we are “justified” for feeling angry. In actual fact, there is absolutely no law that says that we must feel angry when that car cuts us off or when a thief steals my money. We only become angry because we have been conditioned to react in this way to a perceived threat. This is our habit that we blindly accept – But habits can be changed.
One frequent set-up for anger and conflict are blind beliefs that are over generalizations. “You never listen to me.” “No one gives me the respect I deserve.” Over generalizations have the effect of preventing you from seeing the whole story. They cause us to become fixated on a limited and contracted view of the world.
Let go of Expectations
It is important to distinguish between expectations and aspirations, preferences and blind demands. It is perfectly fine to want to be successful or to have a loving relationship or to receive respect and appreciation, but when these become “should’s” and should not’s” then the suffering starts. The simple fact is that the world will not conform to your expectations and demands, so it makes little sense to fixate on things being different than they are. It is important to hold your expectations lightly if you want to prevent conflict and control your anger effectively.
Methods to Control Anger
As Freud said, anger is depression turned inwards. It is almost always the case that anger is nothing more than the outward expression of an unresolved emotion that has become repressed. I find over and over again from my online therapy work with clients that beneath their anger there are emotions like fear, sadness and guilt. These core emotions are what we focus on during online sessions of Mindfulness Therapy. Once you heal these emotions your anger tends to subside by itself, but left unresolved and the reactive anger will continue indefinitely. Sometimes, if we do not learn how to deal with our anger it is passed on to our children, so it is doubly important that we learn how to manage our anger now.
There are lots of psychological techniques we can apply to manage anxiety, such as learning to recognize the impulse to react and then taking a deep breath to prevent the impulse turning into an outward reaction, but none of these methods are as important as making the effort to change the underlying fear, anxiety, sadness or depression. This is the primary focus of Mindfulness Therapy.
Anger and Stress Management Online
For most people, anger is very closely related to the level of stress that you are experiencing. Therefore, effective Stress Management must be part of your strategy to better manage anger. Mindfulness Therapy is certainly one of the very best modern approaches available for effective anger management. We have to learn how to change our relationship with “stress thoughts” so that they do not get the upper-hand and cause us to react with anger. If you have a problem with stress, including stress-based insomnia, then you should definitely consider Mindfulness Therapy.
Anger Management – The Best Way to Overcome Anger
Anger, when uncontrolled is a very destructive emotion and if you fail to control your anger or it will result in a wide variety of problems. Habitual anger can destroy your family relationships and is one of the main contributing factors in divorce.
Anger can result in confrontation in the work place and can severely impact the quality of your work. If you become distracted by anger or resentment then your ability to concentrate goes down. It leads to problems of trust and will inhibit communication between co-workers.
However, there are definitely skills you can learn that will help you better manage anger and actually prevent anger arising. You might have heard about something called anger management therapy. It is a way through which you learn to control your anger, prevent it’s arising so that you can become more responsive rather than reactive in stressful situations. We may not be able to completely control stress in the family or workplace but we can control how we respond to stress. The Online Anger Management that I provide via Skype therapy sessions incorporates a variety of mindfulness skills and is, in my opinion, one of the most effective approaches available for managing both anger and stress.
If you too have a problem in overcoming your anger, you have come to the right place. Let us explore more about anger management and how it can prove beneficial for you.
Anger is a very important emotion but should be used carefully. If your anger is coming out in a destructive form, it means that something is wrong and you need to overcome it as soon as possible. This is the time when anger management plays a crucial role and helps you to control your anger and learn how to respond consciously rather than react compulsively in stressful conditions. It is definitely not easy to control your anger because it tends to be a strong emotional habit, but these habits can be overcome and changed through the application of mindfulness-based methods. As you break free from the anger habit, you will naturally develop a more positive attitude and you will begin to feel less angry.
The main focus of anger management is to find out the conditions when you get out of control. Once we identify the stress-triggers, then we can practice learning new ways to respond rather than react to those specific triggers. You will learn better ways of controlling your anger and ways of transforming your anger into positive ideas and actions. Special therapy called CBT or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is used to deal with the cognitive part of anger management and Mindfulness Therapy is used to resolve the emotional part of the anger reaction. The combined effect of CBT and Mindfulness Therapy is very effective.
How Your Anger Problem Can Turn Deadly
Can you still remember the last time you were really angry? How did your body feel? How did your brain feel? Could you feel your blood pressure spike? Could you feel the surge of adrenaline? These aren’t good for us.
Hormones: Curiously, although anger leads to an increase in testosterone, it actually leads to a reduction in concentration of the stress hormone cortisol (link)
Fight or Flight: Anger causes other hormones to be released into the blood stream. These hormones increase heart rate, change breathing patterns and reduce the ability to concentrate. The increase in the heart rate can lead to an increase of blood pressure. Those who already have a blood pressure problem could be at risk very quickly (link).
Harming Others: Let’s say you’re driving down the road and someone cuts you off. You’ve already had a bad day and now this. What are you going to do?
Anger hormones cause our brains to bypass rational reactions. If we allow them to take over the driver who cut us off may become a victim of road rage. I don’t know about anyone else but I have had this occur and while it’s a struggle not to react it is something that can be done.
Heart Disease: Even if you don’t currently have heart disease being an angry person could change that. If you already have it angry outbursts are likely to cause a heart attack or a stroke.
What to do: While not all anger is stress related, stress is often at the back of an outburst. There are two ways to handle it. One is before you get angry and the other is when you feel it happening.
Before: Spend a little “you” time. Go for a walk at lunch. Don’t eat at your desk while working through this time period; treat yourself to an actual meal. Use deep breathing and meditation to help when you feel stress building up.
During: You have to make a conscious decision to stop being angry. It’s hard but that’s the first step. Then begin to use your stress relieving strategy. Walk away from the problem. Do some deep breathing and meditate.
In case you are wondering, meditation is for all faiths and can be used by those with no faith. Choose what helps you to center yourself and feel calm.
The Truth Regarding Anger Management That Only Few Know
When you get angry, a number of things happen to your body; your temperature rises, your muscles tense up and your heart rate accelerates. Anger demands extra work from the body that can eventually cause you a lot of health problems.
Unresolved childhood issues such as resentment towards your parents getting divorced can make you carry anger around for a long time. You need to learn how to talk about what makes you angry if you are fond of keeping your anger triggers to yourself. If you don’t feel comfortable about talking to a shrink about your anger problems, go for online counseling. Planning to avoid days that your anger triggers are higher is a good way of eliminating anger tantrums. Also, anger management experts advise that you should keep in excellent physical condition to lessen the chances of you getting angry all the time.
There are several anger management programs available on the Internet nowadays. With the Internet, you can find out the best anger management course in your area or avail yourself of the programs on anger management offered online. It’s just a matter of spending some time to search on the Internet.
Anger management professionals suggest keeping a journal with you in the event that you do get angry. Writing has been known to help purge the soul of stormy emotions. The more you document your anger fits and study them, the more you will be able to understand yourself and identify what makes you angry. Don’t take my word for it. Try it and you will be amazed that it works.
Getting angry does not make you a bad person. What casts you in a negative light however is the way you choose to express that anger. Being abusive or vindictive are negative ways of displaying anger. You can decide to keep quiet when you are angered or silently and politely walk away, instead of lashing out at the object or subject of the anger. This works far better than losing your temper.
Anger management techniques are put in place to encourage people to work on their anger. Anger management programs are generally educative in nature and help the victim to take control of their emotions. The fact of the matter is that when you get angry, you give your emotions charge over you. Most people who battle with problems of anger do so because they take things too seriously. When you are uptight about the things of life, the slightest things that don’t go the way you want are bound to make you angry. Adopting a humorous perspective to life can help you to ignore certain things that would have gotten you angry.
Anger management online programs are there to teach you how best to deal with your anger. If you take everything you learn in an anger management class seriously, you will be able to make a quicker recovery.
I sincerely hope you deem the above piece helpful. This piece should be valuable because it’s incredibly relevant and beneficial to the general topic of “Anger Management”.
I would like to learn more about Anger Management Online
I now provide an Online Therapy Service for Anger Management. It is easy to get started. Simply email me to ask your questions and to schedule a Skype session today.
Effective Online Counseling Therapy for Anger Management
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