Online Marriage Counseling
Online Counseling Therapy for Couples
Online Marriage Counseling Sessions via Skype with Mindfulness Therapist and Author Dr. Peter Strong
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“A relationship depends on good communication and this depends on openness of both mind and heart to receive and to respond intelligently and compassionately. Mindfulness is the Art of developing a greater sensitivity and awareness through cultivating openness of mind and friendliness of heart.” – The Path of Mindfulness Meditation, by Peter Strong
For a marriage or significant personal relationship to work, both parties must be willing and able to cultivate a level of communication that is highly receptive and responsive to the needs of the other person, and this communication must flow in both directions. Any blockage in this flow leads to misunderstanding and conflict. Love and intimacy is our goal, but it is our stubborn patterns of habitual reactivity – taking offense and giving offense; becoming the emotional hostage to the controlling behaviors of our partner; taking on the role of emotional victim. The purpose of this Online Marriage Counseling Service is to help each person in the relationship break free from the habitual reactivity that sustains conflict and undermines the marriage.
Learning How to Communicate Better
Real communication is highly dynamic and constantly changing and adjusting to changing needs. In the ideal relationship each person is sensitive to the other, not only listening to the words spoken but also sensing the body language being expressed, sensing the meaning communicated through voice tone, facial expression and posture. It is, therefore, no surprise that in order to be able to receive all this verbal and non-verbal information and in order to be able to respond in a sensitive manner, there must be an extraordinary degree of openness of both mind and heart. A closed mind can receive nothing and cannot respond appropriately to the needs of a given situation.
Therefore, we must understand the processes that lead to the closing of the mind, and the processes that lead to the opening of the mind and heart, and we must understand both processes in-depth if we are to develop and maintain good communication in our marriage or relationship.
The biggest problem that leads to the breakdown of a marriage or other significant relationship is when we become dominated by patterns of Habitual Emotional Reactivity. A reactive mind is a closed mind, unable to respond creatively and intelligently to the needs of the present moment. Compassion and sensitivity are absent, or greatly diminished, and we become little more than a machine, mechanically reacting to the other person.
We become locked into cycles of habitual reactivity. He says this, she feels that; she does this, he feels that. We become victims of this habitual emotional reactivity and compelled to react with frustration and disappointment, becoming easily upset and often reacting with anger as we feel misunderstood or unloved. Our inner reactive Self engages with the reactive Self of the other person in a repeating cycle of hurt and suffering. This process creates a wedge between us and drives us apart. When our relationship is dominated by reactivity then what we experience is loneliness and emptiness and great sadness.
So, in any relationship there are four entities engaging each other: The True Self of each person, which is not conditioned and not limited by habitual reactivity, tries to interact through the medium of openness, awareness and friendliness to the True Self of the other person. However, this is complicated by the relationship between the two Reactive Selves, based on conflict and duality. Not surprisingly, relationships can become quite messy!
When you were in love that is when the True Selves were communicating freely. But over time we lose that connection and bad habits become dominant; the Reactive Selves hold power, love is abandoned and the fighting takes over. The Reactive Self becomes hard and unyielding, aggressive and also very fearful. People can spend their whole marriage lost in this blind conflict between the Reactive Selves.
During Online Marriage Counseling, which I now offer online through Skype, I teach couples how to let go of the Reactive Self and re-connect with the True Self, which is the source of unconditional love, patience and intelligence. This True Self is within us all the time – it just gets lost and covered over by the layers of reactive habits. During Online Mindfulness Therapy, we gradually lift off these hard layers that have imprisoned the True Self and we discover the joy of how to communicate again. We re-discover the passion and simple bliss of the love that we once shared. Now we have the tools to handle conflict and emotional pain; guilt and hurt; anger and remorse; in a completely different way – based on mindfulness and innate love.
How does Online Relationship Counseling Work?
Each person plays their part in the reactive cycles that create marital conflict and each person has to change their patterns habitual reactivity. Through experience, I find that couples therapy works best when I work with each person individually, teaching each person how to heal the hurt, where inner pain exists, and stop those destructive patterns of aggression and anger from getting out of control. It is by developing a better relationship with our inner emotions that we can learn how to develop a successful relationship with our partner.
The focus is on stopping the underlying habitual reactions that create the victim-abuser cycle and the anger-conflict patterns that lead to endless arguing and conflict. It takes commitment and hard work on both sides – but change is possible. We know that at some level; it’s just that we can’t seem to break free of these habitual patterns of reactivity.
Because we are focusing on the underlying process, rather than just talking about who did what to whom, people can begin to change in a remarkably short time – often within 4-6 Skype online Marriage Counseling sessions.
One client noticed dramatic changes in the way she and her husband communicated after only a couple of sessions. There was a dramatic shift in how she related to her emotions and she started to gain a sense of ownership of her emotions and choice in how she responded to her husband. This not only helped her feel more in control, but it also indirectly changed how her husband treated her. In her own words,
“Also, I wanted to let you know that I was talking to my husband last night. I wasn’t sure if the mindfulness deserved all the credit, or if I had just encountered a stretch of easy times. My husband seemed to be treating me differently as far as not yelling and screaming at me all the time, etc. and I didn’t know if the change was my perception of him (due to the mindfulness) or just that he was acting differently. He said that it was easier for him to be more relaxed around me because I wasn’t behaving in a terrified way around him all the time. So, I guess it really is the mindfulness working and it’s interesting that my healing has spread to him changing too. Yay!”
The secret to a successful relationship is learning how to break free from those habitual patterns of emotional reactivity, and this is where mindfulness therapy really excels.
Online Marriage Counseling Service
Effective, Convenient and Affordable
Today, a growing number of people prefer the convenience of Online Therapy. It is far more convenient and less “clinical” than the traditional style of office-based counseling. Also, many more people have heard about the benefits of Mindfulness Therapy when compared to the older style “talk therapies” and want to try this unique approach instead. I now offer Mindfulness Therapy Online. Please feel free to contact me to learn more.
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Get Help from a Professional Online Therapist via Skype for Effective Online Marriage Counseling and Couples Therapy
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